Introverts and dating relationships

A raised voice will likely make it harder for an introvert to listen to what you are saying; her fight-or-flight instincts will be aroused.

Introverts need to understand that locking horns can be a sign of respect, and even love. My extroverted husband likes to blast the radio when we drive, and like many introverts, I prefer soft music.

They agreed to have two dinner parties a month, with the husband doing most of the prep work.

They also decided to go with buffet-style dinners rather than seating guests at a single table.

This can leave introverts feeling harassed, and extroverts feeling stonewalled. Each partner needs to take a page from the other’s playbook.

Extroverts should count to ten before raising issues calmly and respectfully –and consider letting some grievances go unaired.

Your partner wants to resolve your differences instead of leaving them to fester. This conflict can make a simple trip across town feel like a bad sitcom, with my husband and I turning the volume up and down every chance we get.

By engaging, you can show that you share that commitment to resolving differences. The only solution here is compromise: taking turns at controlling the radio – or finding a volume that works for both partners.

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Introverts generally appreciate less stimulating environments–-a glass of wine with a close friend rather than a loud party full of strangers. For instance, my husband and I have profoundly different reactions to airports.Just as nature abhors a vacuum, we abhor vacuous small talk.Because our energy is limited, we don't want to waste it on something that isn't meaningful to us — and spending any amount of time and energy on small talk is a waste of said time and energy.This was the number one complaint I heard from the dozens of introvert-extrovert couples I interviewed for my book.It seems like an intractable problem, but it’s often possible to find a middle ground.

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