The lover is perceived to be "the sunshine of my life," and for many, without such sunshine, decay and death are all around.
Even in one of the darkest periods of history, the Holocaust, people fell in love, despite the risks of expressing it.
There's an odd 'divide.' I love both of them, one here and one gone." It seems that we are blessed with a heart that is very flexible and can accommodate various people at the same time. I knew things would be different, because he was not Jim. And so as we became more serious and had deeper feelings for one another, I started to worry. I wasn't feeling that I was falling more in love each day. And [then after talking to another widow] I began to realize that the way I was loving this second time was ‘normal.' And that I had to let go of my expectations. Which position is worse: the widow who knows that her lover cannot come back, or the woman who knows that her ex could come back, but might not wish to do so?
Consider the following sincere description (which appears on the site Widow's Voice) by Janine, a widow, about her feelings toward her new lover. I wasn't feeling that my heart would burst from how much love I had for him. How could this love feel the same as my first love? The pain and sadness is greater on the widow's side, not merely because of the terminal nature of the loss, but also because of the greater romantic intensity.
She has to cope not merely with the new situation of loving two men at the same time, but also with the shift in the way she has loved her deceased husband: a shirt from a relationship with a physical companion who provides active support and love to one who is no longer alive and cannot be active in her life (see here).
In the romantic ideology, profound love should last forever.
The French famously refer to orgasm as "la petite morte," or "the little death." Once orgasm is reached, it is in a sense the end of the loving experience preceding it and, hence, a little death.
Similarly, it was claimed that "All animals are sad after sex." The widow's new romantic situation Is the human heart large enough to encompass more than one romantic love?
This is due both to the tendency to idealize the past and to our sense of propriety in not speaking ill of the dead. As Annabel, a widow, said to her friend who ignited in her the desire to make love: "Thank you for bringing me back to life." The widow faces the challenge of entering into a new and meaningful spousal relationship without letting the former relationship be forgotten or denied.Her love expresses the nonexclusive nature of love more than it does its replaceable nature. I wasn't experiencing the feelings that I had 27 years ago. The creation of a new loving relationship involves both the capacity to let go and to hold on to the previous relationship, thus creating a new equilibrium (see here).Thus, one widow writes: "'Second love' is different, but it's very good. It's really hard to understand sometimes how I can go from tears for my late husband into smiling and thinking of my new guy. When C came along and we started dating, it was different. I wasn't feeling that ‘if I don't see him today I think I'll die' emotion. Like other people, a widow yearns for her lover to come back, but unlike others, she knows it is impossible.And is widowhood the proper time to fall in love again?The end of love and death For many people, romantic love forms an essential aspect of their lives; without love, life may seem worthless, devoid of meaning.